Forgiveness is the choice that we make to let go of the anger, resentment, hatred or other ill feelings that we have towards someone for the hurt and pain that they have caused us. It is not just a verbal confession but an action from the heart.
When we ask the Lord to forgive our sins in the process of repentance, He requires us to forgive those who have sinned against us. Matthew 6:14 & 15 says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (NLT)
Forgiveness is a vital step in surrendering our heart issues to God. When we can let go of the anger, resentment, or hate we feel towards someone, we can gain freedom, healing and breakthrough… But we will always carry the offending party with us, along with the associated pain as long as we refuse to forgive. The opposite of forgiveness if unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness can lead to sorrow and bitterness, both of which have negative impacts on our well-being. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”. And Job 21:25 says, “Another man dies in the bitterness of his soul…”.
Unforgiveness hinders our spiritual growth; and prevents us from receiving healing, restoration and breakthrough, as it keeps the door open for the enemy to operate in our lives. It has a negative impact on our relationships as it brings with it bitterness, making us unpleasant to be around. Furthermore, we cannot function optimally when we are in mental and emotional pain. Unforgiveness can also prevent us from fulfilling the plans and purposes that God has for us. Imagine if Joseph had opted for revenge against his brothers, instead of forgiveness… he would have missed the powerful plan and purpose that God had for him in saving the nation of Israel.
Unforgiveness brings with it mistrust and prejudice that can be passed down from one generation to the next. A couple of years ago, I heard a conversation between two old ladies. One was voicing her disapproval about a young man who was marrying into the family because his clan had raided her village several centuries ago. The old lady had not even been born during those raids, but that mistrust and prejudice had obviously been passed down to her from her forefathers who had obviously never forgiven.
God knows the effects of unforgiveness and that is why He requires us to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”.
Forgiveness can be a process, hence Jesus’ instruction to Peter in Matthew 18:21 & 22… Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven”. That is 490 times!
It is extremely difficult to let go of the ill feelings that we have towards someone when they have hurt us deeply. At times, we may find ourselves mentally replaying that hurtful incident, reliving the associated bad memories and feeling the anger and pain all over again. Whenever this happens, we need to stop those thoughts and once again forgive the offending party. Remember what Jesus said to Peter. If we choose to forgive every time, the memories and feelings will gradually fade until we can recall the incident without experiencing the accompanying pain.
But as long as we entertain the bad memory along with the associated feelings, we will keep the flame of unforgiveness alive…
In addition to forgiving others, we also need to forgive ourselves… And sometimes, that can be the hardest thing to do. The unforgiveness that we hold towards ourselves can be just as devastating, or even worse in effect, than the unforgiveness that we harbour towards others. It can lead to self-hatred, self-harm and suicidal thoughts, hence the importance of forgiving ourselves.