As we had been busy with building work throughout the winter and spring, our bushes were overgrown and in desperate need of pruning by the time summer came. I thought I would start with the largest and strongest bush as it was growing over the neighbour’s wall. As I started pruning, I realised that something was wrong.
I cut away a small section of growth and realised to my horror that the inside of the bush was full of dead leaves and twigs. This generally means that a bush is unhealthy and maybe even dying; and the only way to save it is to remove the dead leaves and twigs on the inside and cut the bush back so that it can regrow.
I spent the next two hours doing this. As I did so I felt as if the Lord was saying: “Like your bush, many of my children are like this. They are healthy on the outside – they work out, eat healthily, dress well and look good, but they are dead or dying on the inside. They are broken by the issues of life. They carry so much in their hearts and have never learned to let go – to surrender to me so that I can heal them”.
I realised that my Heavenly Father was talking about heart issues such as anger, hatred, jealousy, bitterness, stubbornness, rebellion, fear, depression, pride and unforgiveness, amongst others. I don’t mean the fleeting emotions that we experience like pride resulting from a compliment, nervousness during a job interview, or momentary outrage caused by an insult; but rather emotions so powerful and uncontrollable they dictate our behaviour and reactions without us even knowing.
They are persistent and unshakable, or manifest as emotional episodes triggered by conversations or events. They often seem irrational to others. They may run in the family, or they may have started after a traumatic event such as the death of a loved one, loss of a relationship, a theft or robbery, an accident or job loss.
Let me use this example. After losing a business I had spent ten years building, I suffered from anxiety and depression. Now these were not the only heart issues I was struggling with… There were many more, all accumulated during prior years because of other bad experiences such as high school rejections, the death of loved ones, and racial incidents.
Every time we suffer a bad experience or trauma, it leaves a mark on our hearts. What happens when there are too many marks? We break and become dysfunctional.
I did not know it at the time, but the accumulation of my feelings began to manifest as nausea (and sometimes even vomiting) every morning. I was tired most of the time, could not focus, and started withdrawing because I developed a mistrust of people and perceived everyone, except for close family members, as a threat. As I looked fine on the outside, no one could fathom my behaviour and I lost many friends as a result. For a long time, I thought that my feelings were just feelings and a part of my character.
I lived what I can only describe as half a life for many years, until I brought these emotions to my Heavenly Father in my desperation to be free of them. At the time I did not know that these feelings were in fact emotional strongholds and that they prevented me from living the full and free life that God intended for me to live in Christ Jesus. John 10 vs 10: The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
Over the years I have met many born-again believers with heart issues. Some were aware of their issues and working to heal, whist others were oblivious. There were also those who lived in denial even after being made aware of their internal conditions by fellow brethren.
I have written this article because I want others to discover the same freedom that I have in Christ Jesus, through surrender, repentance, and forgiveness. To some, these words might sound “airy” so I will explain these concepts in my next article.